it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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