walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
