Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
the liver wants what the liver wants
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
