he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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