Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Randomize
