I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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