Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
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I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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