me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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