I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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