I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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