Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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