If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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