My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
