The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
