So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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