its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
