she woke up with a sticky ear
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
