update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize