I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
