I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
