Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
