24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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