that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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