put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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