You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
