You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize