FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
