Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
bring money and cleavage
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
