Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
