I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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