I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
