this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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