I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
