the new term for farting is butt boxing.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
