i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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