well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
She told me I should be a condom model.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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