And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
