I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
