i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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