the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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