shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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