I wish I could teleport
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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