Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
