I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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