I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
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He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
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What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize