now i know why i became what i already was.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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