uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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