Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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