sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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