I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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