Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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