And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
