i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Randomize
