I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
