I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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