I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
