all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
