I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
