You just made me feel so damn special
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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