You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize
