if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I have aggressive nipples.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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