is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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