i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
