I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
someone threw a dead crab at me
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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