You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
