When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
