it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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