i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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