I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
