Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
