Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
