My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
