My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
