my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
