ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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